My Final Blog

In just 2 days time, the first of my 5 year anniversaries arrives.  As we celebrate my husband's 44th birthday, I will reflect on the day 5 years ago that changed my life forever, finding that lump that signaled the start of my cancer journey.

Over the last 6 or so months many of you have followed my journey on my most ambitious fundraising effort to day embarking on 40 challenges before my 40th birthday.  Well here now is my final challenge complete, with my very last entry, number 40 on my blog.

Last week we held a party at the Tamworth Wellbeing and Cancer Support Centre where a great many of you who've supported me over the last few months joined with me to celebrate.  It was a wonderful afternoon, with friends and family as well as clients and volunteers all popping in with food and plenty of flowers for me.  We raised a little more money on the way, but primarily this was all about celebrating the challenges and the fact that I am still standing here 5 years on.  There were a few tears shed for those who couldn't be with me to share my special day.
I carefully chose my outfit for the occasion wearing a breakthrough breast cancer necklace my parents bought me for my 35th birthday, shortly after diagnosis.  I had a pink ribbon bracelet handmade by my sister when I was on treatment, and finished it of with one of my pink bandanas worn here as a neck scarf but was used to cover my bald head during treatment.  I've always been one to make a statement since getting cancer.

Here a few of the images from the day;

3 survivors all of us have beaten breast cancer in the last 5 years

A gift from the Tamworth Wellbeing and Cancer Support Centre 

My husband who's backed me all the way with my hair brained schemes

I now know that 14 of the cubs and scouts from my son's scout pack have raised around £100 for the centre too, which will mean that my final total for 40 before 40 will be in excess of £1500, a truly amazing amount of money.

So looking back over my 40 before 40 I have had some great experiences, from riding a Boris Bike to the exhilaration of conquering my fear of heights  and reaching the top of the climbing wall.  I can look back with pride overcoming my shear panic on mount Snowdon to making it to the top and back in one piece!  I had great fun trying 40 new foods, and munching on 40 different types of crisps.  I recaptured some of my youth by playing on retro computer games and reading classics from my childhood.  I experienced canoeing and watching rugby for the first time.  I even did a few healthy things like riding my bike, and 40 days of fitness.  My friends and family will hope never to see me in public in a monkey onesie ever again, although I'm quite attached to it now!
It has been great that people have stopped me to ask how my challenges have been going and were keen to know what's next.  Now that is the big question what could top 40 before 40?!

I go into the next couple of weeks knowing they will be very emotional.  My anniversary just days before my birthday is a date I never would have imagined ever seeing when I first stepped foot out of that clinic 5 years ago.  I'll be spending my 40th with the people who matter the most to me, my family, and it will be a really special time.

Many people fear turning 40, not me, it has been an ambition for the last 5 years of my life!

I'd like to think of those now just stepping onto the path I have trodden and hope that I can inspire them to believe they will get through and will beat cancer like I have.

Cancer will always be a part of my life.  I've got a pretty big scar across the middle of my chest to remind me.  It does not embarrass me though.  I look at myself in the mirror and it gives me strength. Loosing a boob does not define a woman, it is what she chooses to do with her life after that does.

Final challenge

On Monday this week 14 cubs and scouts including my son took part in a sponsored swim, with half of the proceeds going to the Tamworth Wellbeing and Cancer Support Centre, my charity!  I visited them a few weeks ago to talk about the charity and a little about my experiences, and sat poolside on Monday helping to count the lengths swam.  It was an enjoyable experience working with kids to raise awareness about what we do.  This last challenge wasn't designed to bring in hundreds of pounds for my final total, but was to encourage greater community involvement hopefully inspiring children from a young age to get involved in charity work.  There are some shining examples of young adults and children who've been amazing inspirational role models for their respective charities, who've achieved far more than I ever will be able to, some who've sadly left us behind at far too young an age.  Hopefully we can all reach out to others and all do our bit to help someone else.

These 40 challenges have shown me a wonderful side of other people.  People keep telling me that I inspire them, but it's the reaction that I get that inspires me.  I cannot thank enough the total stranger to me who got me up a climbing wall!  The volunteers at the centre have supported me with all the hair brain plans I've had, including this weekend's party.  My own family have done lots too donating auction prizes, taking part in challenges with me, or just putting up with all the randomness that my ideas for challenges bring with them!
Finally I mustn't forget each and every one of you who's read my blog, shared my posts or put a few quid in the pot.  You keep me going!

I now enter into my last few weeks at being in my 30's and I do not fear being 40 at all.  I've accomplished such a lot, and have so much to be thankful for.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

This time almost 5 years ago, I would not have had an idea about breast cancer.  I didn't regularly check myself or pay any attention to statistics.  I never dreamed that someone in their mid 30's with no health problems would get breast cancer.  It literally was a bolt out of the blue.

I remember the couple of months leading up to my diagnosis well.  We'd had a fabulous holiday down in Dorset and even joked about buying a static down there, out of our affordability but it was a nice dream.  I'd gone back to work and was confident in my job, second year full time and going well on a uni course to study for a foundation degree.  We went to a school quiz just days before, everything fine, I'd even had a parents evening with my parents and I joked about never going to have a day off from work, then BOOM!
It was Rob's (my husband's) 39th birthday and I was in the shower.  I randomly was soaping myself up and I felt something strange.  I think I'd done the same a few days earlier but thought nothing about it.  This time I was sure something wasn't right.  I told Rob, my mum, my sister etc that something wasn't right so decided to get an appointment at the doctors.  That night we went out to the pub to celebrate his birthday.  I remember sitting there with a glass of wine, the last drink I've ever had and I just wasn't right.  I left my drink and a gloom had settled over me.
Shortly after I saw my GP.  I thought she was very dismissive of my lump.  She said she'd send my for a routine mammogram at the hospital and the appointment would be through in around 2 weeks!!  I was in complete and utter turmoil, the thought of waiting two weeks seemed impossible.  My mum did some chasing around and managed to get me into a private clinic to see a well known consultant for that very weekend.  I'd never dreamed of ever going private, but I was in such a state that it seemed like the best idea.
Saturday came around.  My mum and dad came to look after the kids.  We told hem we were just popping to the shops.  We thought they were too young to be worrying about this if it turned out to be nothing.  We pulled up in the car park in the private hospital, silly me says "ooo look free parking!"  We went in and waited.  I remember someone asking me if I wanted to see the price lists for mammograms and ultrasounds.  I agreed although there wasn't much point really, as sat there I wasn't really going to not pay for it!
The ultrasound and mammogram were all a bit of a hazy memory, I've had so many since.  We then sat with the consultant for the results.  Now everyone had convinced me he'd say it was just a cyst.  Those of you who know me know I'm usually a glass half empty kind of girl, but people had got me into thinking it was half full.  When we words "It's not good news I'm afraid" came out of his mouth I was devastated.  Words can not describe how I felt at that very moment, I just fell to pieces.
Eventually after he had got a nurse in to calm us down he came back and went through what happens next.  At that stage he couldn't confirm categorically that it was cancer, but he was pretty certain.  He needed to arrange for me to have a biopsy to check the exact nature.  He knew that we couldn't really afford to be private so switched us back into his NHS clinic for this.  My life from thereon for the next few weeks became a haze.
I remember the sobbing phone calls to various family members in the car  park.  We still had to somehow get home and tell the children.  I don't even remember how we did that.  I just remember some months later a nine year old telling me how she remembered how I lied to her on that Saturday when I had my first appointment.  After that I promised that if possible I'd always tell her the truth, even when I regularly got questions like "Are you going to die mummy?"
Those few weeks from being told in all probability I had cancer until the day I finally got my diagnosis on 3rd November and a plan for treatment were possible almost the worst in my life.  I'd got plans for the hymns and songs I'd like for my funeral.  I had to be there to take my kids to and from school.  I couldn't not see them off each morning.  I just kept thinking, "would they remember me when I'm gone?"
When 3rd November came around, I remember walking out with a smile.  The sun shone through the windows of the hospital waiting room as I left, but I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  From the outside this seems strange, but on the inside I'd got an answer.  I knew that I had an aggressive form of breast cancer, and had been told what my treatment path was.  I knew that treatment would begin pretty quickly and I had some direction and goal in my life.

I hope reading the fullest account I've ever written about my diagnosis will help you see what being breast cancer aware is all about.  Please share this with your friends.  Remember I have walked through some of the darkest days, but I'm here still to walk in the sunshine.